Be Kind

I remember many sleepless nights kneeling at my bedside, begging God to give me Anorexia instead.  I would have done anything to take away her pain, to save her so she could finally be free to live the life I knew she deserved. But God didn't, because He had something greater in mind. He was shaping and molding my sister into someone unshakable. Taryn is the person she is today because of Him, because of her faith, and because she fought with everything she had to learn to love herself again. She is a fighter, a hero, and an angel that I can't imagine a day of my life without.

When I look at her life now, I can see the bigger picture. I see her amazing daughter, her kind and good husband, and I see her limitless potential to change the world. I am so proud of her for sharing her story of recovery and for spreading kindness in a world that so desperately needs it. She has taught me what it means to #bekindinreallife.

Kindness in our home means we take turns. Everyone helps when I'm cooking or baking in the kitchen, and there are always at least two kids on the kitchen counter or standing on a chair to help mix or flip or pour. 

Kindness in our home means we laugh A LOT. Because treating one another the way we would like to be treated allows everyone to be themselves and feel confident in their own skin. Dance parties around here are a daily occurrence. "ALEXA!!! PLAY SHAKE IT OFF BY TAYLOR SWIFT!"-Juliette

It also means that when our family circus (oh my gosh, are those ALL your kids?!) is out in the real world, we treat every person we meet with respect and love.

Kindness means we all recognize that we're growing and changing every day, and we are not perfect. I try to fill my kids heads with, "Oops! Mommy totally forgot! I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?" and "Oh no! Mommy made a big mistake! I guess I'll have to fix it, won't I?"

My first baby-bump picture!!!!

Thanks to the example my sister has set, and perhaps most importantly, I am kind to myself. I recognize now that my thoughts and my words become the thoughts and words of these sweet babies I'm trying to raise. I try my best to never even think bad things about myself, which is really hard! But I do feel like after 8 years of mom-ing, it is certainly much easier than it used to be!

The Be Kind Company launches today! If you want to hear more about Taryn's journey through recovery, and see how her experience can help you face challenges in your life, follow her blog...Small Steps. And if you want your kids to look this stinking cute, while also sharing this important message, head to The Be Kind Co.com. 

And for real, remember to BE KIND. 

Old Grateful

Our most favorite stop in Yellowstone- the Grand Prismatic Spring

Traveling with my family around the country was a huge part of my life growing up. We camped, stayed at KOA's, visited National parks and museums, and made sweet memories I still carry with me. But most importantly and completely unexpectedly, all of this adventuring instilled in me a deep love of the outdoors, nature, and an overwhelming desire to share this love with my own family. 

I planned a trip to Yellowstone for us the day after school got out. There was just one tiny problem- a major cold front blew through the area, and it actually SNOWED there on the first day of summer (the day before we arrived). So I read up on how to keep small children alive in sub-zero temperatures in a TENT. A lot of people recommended we warm up water bottles and put them inside sleeping bags. I'm pretty sure my kids would open those lovely water bottles to quench their sudden middle-of-the-night thirst, spill them, and then they would be freezing AND wet. Holy nightmare.

warm water bottles

I liked the idea of a tent heater much better, but the tent would need to be ventilated and the heater would have to stay far away from flammable sleeping bags. I thought we might be able to manage that, so we bought a little tent heater. 

I packed the kids' winter coats, hats, and gloves, and Kyle bought them real sleeping bags (because those cute ones for sleepovers at my moms would definitely not cut it).

For those poor parents who unexpectedly find themselves in a similar situation, here's what worked for us during those sub-zero nights:

The kids ended up sleeping two to a sleeping bag, with a second sleeping bag on top, each with two pairs of pajamas, fluffy socks, and their snow hats. Combined with the tent heater...TADA!

We finally got to our KOA just outside of the West Yellowstone entrance just after 7 pm. I asked Kyle to get the fire going right away so that I could prepare hobo dinners while he set up an enormous 16 man tent. That poor fire went out over and over and over again... I think the wood we bought was really young or something! The whole time Kyle struggled to set up the tent alone and we both struggled to keep the fire going, Elle cheered us on with:

"You're doing such a great job!" 

"Wow, that looks great!"

"You're working so hard! I'm proud of you!"

It helped calm our stressed-out nerves, and made us both laugh when we really needed to! It was 10 pm and dark by the time the tent was finally set up and our really delicious dinners were finished.

eating dinner by the light of a lamp!

The next morning, I went to our duffel bag to put on my tennis shoes. Now....Kyle and I have matching black Nike's with a white swoosh. It turns out, I had packed my right tennis shoe and also KYLE'S right tennis shoe. So I walked around all morning, making breakfast and chatting with our camp neighbors, wearing two right shoes, one of them four sizes too big. Kyle and I laughed so hard! Luckily, there was a little country store a few miles away, where they sold Yellowstone souvenirs, milkshakes, moccasins, cowboy boots, and a single pair of blue women's tennis shoes...which I obviously purchased! Disaster averted.

After everyone enjoyed a milkshake, we set out for Old Faithful and the Upper Geyser Basin. My kids could NOT get the name right. They called the world-famous geyser Old Grateful, Old Thankful, and occasionally by its correct name, Old Faithful.

Their first elk sighting!

The kids loooved the geysers and beautiful, colorful pools. It was like they couldn't see enough or say enough about each one we walked past. 

"Mom, what's this one called?!"

"Mom, look at this one!" 

"Mom, this one is boiling!!" 

They would've walked forever, on a quest to see what we called "the rainbow pool" at the top of the basin. But the mother in me knew that we still had to trek for miles all the way back to the car, and my kids were exhausted. So we turned around and headed back to camp for a much earlier bedtime than the night before!  

Juliette kept saying, "I can't believe we're really camping!!! This is the best trip EVER!"

s'mores every night...

The following day, we planned to take the kids swimming in a river, where a hot spring flowed in and the water felt as warm as a bath. However, over night, the forecast had changed, and we were up against a huge freezing rain and thunder storm. We opted instead to hurry to the Grand Prismatic Spring before the storm hit, and then the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. London was really really upset because swimming in the river was what she was most excited about. BUT when she saw this amazing blue pool, she forgot all about the swimming!

The Grand Prismatic Spring was THE BEST.

We're a family of aggressive cuddlers.

Juliette and Elle were really concerned about Dad's messy camping hair.

It started to rain as we left the Grand Prismatic Spring. We drove for about forty minutes through the park, toward the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. I wish I would've recorded the kids' reactions when they saw this magnificent waterfall. They were so amazed!

It was still raining that evening when we exited the park, and I was not about to cook dinner over a fire in freezing rain!  So we went to a fancy pizza place in West Yellowstone for our first non-camping meal in three days. It was so warm and relaxing and actually delicious. The kids all colored their place mats and were really proud of themselves.

We ended the evening with homemade ice cream from a cute little creamery stand because I wanted some and I'm clearly insane. We were all shaking and freezing to death and it was still raining- and it was totally worth it!

The twins are exceptional pancake makers.

 My take from this wonderful adventure:
#1. It's all worth it. All the preparations, the packing, the planning, the meal prep, the driving across the country with four kids, the sleepless nights in a tent---e v e r y t h i n g.  So get out there and make really wonderful memories with your kids! The look on their faces when they saw their first bison, or each and every geyser, or when we made our meals together over the fire, it was worth every single effort put forth by me and Kyle.

#2. Tent camping is hard. We should rent a trailer next time.

#3. I am beyond grateful for my sweet, hilarious, fun, intelligent, curious, adventurous, and really GOOD kids. How did I get so stinking lucky?! (I'm not crying. You're crying.)

#4. I like doing life with Kyle.

Now, where should we go next?! I want to start planning for next summer! I'm thinking the Carlsbad Caverns might be nice...

Baby Twinkle

I used to think it was funny- I would joke that Kyle looked at me and we got pregnant. We never even had to try. I mean, we accidentally got pregnant with twins... enough said. But it wasn't that way this time. This time, it was a year on my knees, begging, and asking God why we couldn't have another baby. I promised Him I would learn whatever it was He wanted me to learn. I told Him how hard I was trying to do everything just right, and I promised to try even harder, if he would just give me this one thing I wanted more than anything. Last fall, I stopped buying pregnancy tests, and I felt so completely broken each month when I started my period that it was difficult to even get out of bed.

Another aspect of secondary infertility that I never saw coming was the terrible guilt. I already have 4 amazing, beautiful, healthy children. There are so many people who don't get to have even one child, and other people who try for ten years, not just one. There are people who spend tens of thousands on IVF and adoption---so why couldn't I just be happy and grateful for the kids I already have?

I wanted answers. I needed a reason--something I could point to and fix. But every test my doctor ordered came back normal, so they tested me again to make sure. "Come back next month and we'll go from there," she told me.

I was late. I was nauseous. My chest was super sore. My stomach looked bloated. I told myself I was crazy, that I was imagining my symptoms, that I wanted to be pregnant so bad that I had actually convinced myself that I was. Finally, I stopped at Rite Aid on the way home from the twins' favorite park, and we walked down the aisle I know too well now. I drove straight home, my hands shaking on the steering wheel, and butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't let myself believe it yet. My heart couldn't take another negative. I took the test.

I buried my face in my hands, crying like I have never cried before. I could barely stand, leaning up against the bathroom door for support. I used my hands to stifle my cries, so the twins wouldn't hear me. I looked at the test on the counter again. Two pink lines. I cried harder and louder.
"Thank you, God!" I was finally able to say. "Thank you, God!"

Once I thought I had gathered myself enough to make a phone call, I called Kyle. The moment I heard his "hello", I lost all composure again. I had wanted this moment, imagined this moment, for over a year--the moment I could tell him we were having another baby, knowing how happy we would both be. And now that the moment was finally here--- I couldn't even speak.
"Bristyl, what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"I'm pregnant!" I sobbed.

He laughed and laughed, which made me cry even harder, which made him laugh even louder. He came straight home and held me in his arms. It was one of the happiest moments of my whole life.

Also, Juliette wants to name the baby...Twinkle.

Snow Day

For a month, my kids ran to the kitchen each morning to ask, "Alexa, what's the forecast in Julian?" Each day when I picked them up from school, they would ask, "Is there snow yet, Mom?" And they whined in unison when the response was always, "Not yet, Honey. I'll keep checking."


Then, on a magical Monday in February, it finally happened! There was a 100% chance of snow in Idyllwild, the cutest little town in the mountains beyond Hemet (about 2 hours away). I called the office to let them know that my kids would NOT be attending school, Kyle blocked out his schedule for the whole day, and we headed up to the mountains!


My kids sang their hearts out to Taylor Swift, in between telling us all the things they wanted to do when we finally made it to the snow. Henry wanted to build a snowman, Juliette wanted to make a snow angel, London was excited about literally everything, but mostly wanted to eat it, and Elle kept asking if it was going to be cold. As we drove, we watched the temperature gauge    s l o w l y    drop. We stopped for gas at the base of the mountain, and the temperature was 41 degrees. I said a silent prayer that we hadn't come all this way for nothing.

Sure enough, as we approached the town of Idyllwild, there wasn't any snow at all. The temperature was 34 degrees, and the rain was freezing and wet. The hills at the public park I had planned to play at were brown and snow-less. Kyle ran in to a restaurant for help. "Continue up this road," they said, "If there's any snow at all, that's where it will be." The kids were growing restless. "Mom, where's the snow?"
"Right up this road, Honey! We're almost there!"
Kyle looked at me with his practical eyes and whispered, "I hope you're right."
"Oh my goodness, me too," I said.
I prayed out loud this time.

And of course, you know what happened next. The road twisted and winded up, up, up, and the temperature started dropping and the snow started sticking and the kids started cheering! We found a little place to park, and the kids jumped out of the car and immediately started laughing. They opened their mouths to catch the snow falling quietly from a grey sky.

Henry scooted around on his stomach eating the snow nearly all afternoon. Juliette thought throwing snowballs was the most hilarious thing in the world. She laughed like I've never heard her laugh before, throwing snow balls at everyone, missing almost every time, but squealing with pure joy anyway. London and Elle helped Kyle build a snow man, and slid down the mountain on their bottoms.

I can't believe it all worked out, and I don't know the last time I felt so complete, content, and genuinely happy. I think days like that Monday in February are what life is all about.